I checked, and my last post was July 30. It’s now Nov. 1, which means I’ve been MIA for over three months.
You deserve an apology. A sincere and genuine one. But it should also be pathetic and desperate, too. Flowery language wouldn’t hurt. Something that makes you do this…
Readers, you deserve a melodramatic Anne-Shirley-esque apology.
Oh, readers, I am so extremely sorry. I could never express all my sorrow, no, not if I used up a whole dictionary. You must just imagine it. I behaved terribly to you—and I’ve disgraced the WordPress blogging platform, which lets me keep this blog for free although I know they’d rather I pay. I’m a dreadfully wicked and ungrateful girl, and I deserve to be punished and cast out by respectable people forever. It was very wicked of me to neglect my blog because I promised I’d write regularly. It WAS my intention; I meant every word I wrote. But now my blog is a dreary, cobwebby place. I’ve had a busy few months, but that’s no excuse. Oh, readers, please, please, forgive me. If you refuse it will be a lifelong sorrow to me. You wouldn’t like to inflict a lifelong sorrow on a poor little blogging girl, would you, even if she was dreadful lazy? Oh, I am sure you wouldn’t. Please say you forgive me, readers.
Now, all that’s left for me to do is bow my head and wait for the word of judgment.
(L. M. Montgomery would be proud, I think.)
Now, if I’ve learned anything from Marilla Cuthbert and Rachel Lynde and Muriel Stacey, it’s that you don’t wear your kitchen clothes when making an important apology. In the blogosphere, I translate that to mean you don’t apologize to your readers without extending some kind of peace offering.
I have a peace offering for you.
It’s a FREE pattern!
I will post it tomorrow morning, and I hope you like it!
It’s something small and useful — and funny. I’ll give you a hint: Tom Selleck.
See you then (and more regularly from now on).